I could have mohawked her pubes.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
