Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
