I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
