Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
