I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am available for nakedness
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
