i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize