You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
