I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
