Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
this boner is exhausting
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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