2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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