she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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