she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
