That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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