If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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