Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
