i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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