I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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