she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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