Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
