Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want to make out with him forever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
