This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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