I bet he comes in French.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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