youre lurking in front of me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
