Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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