Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
