I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
