I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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