I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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