God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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