why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
