do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
