This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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