my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
