Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
