I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
