I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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