If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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