Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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