Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
