Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
