Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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