I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
