Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
