I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
