i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
