Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
