i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
