You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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