hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
