Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
