do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize