everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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