Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
