I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
