ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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