I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
