everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
