I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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