This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
