I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize