I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
