I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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