I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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