Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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