Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
