Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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