I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
