i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
