i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
