I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
