At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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